Ahhhh….Home For The Holidays!
OK, I get it, you’ve celebrated the holidays – relatives visiting, with wonderful meals, gifts and conversation…day after day after day – and now you just need to be alone. But guess what?
THE RELATIVES JUST WON’T LEAVE!
Sure, this Jimmy Fallon holiday party LOOKS like a lot of fun, but even these partygoers left at some point – what if yours won’t? I know there are traditions and all, but you can’t just keep entertaining…enough is enough!
Well, worry no more, because I have some films that were made to drive people away – like this one!
Yes, imagine how quickly guests will be gathering their coats when you play “I Drink Your Blood” – followed by the second half of the double bill:
Have A Safe Drive!
Yes, this is a double bill created to NEVER BE SEEN ON CHRISTMAS DAY!
However, I’m not knocking it – this wild grind house duo was the result of a bet between a Producer and Director!
Click here to see what it was:
So, you say your Guests have more fortitude than that? Well, let’s amp it up a notch, because to clear a room, REALLY CLEAR A ROOM, you’ve got to put on a really bad film. How bad?
Is it fair to consider a movie “bad” just because it looks like THIS?
“They Mangle The Beautiful Into The Mutilated!”
That is just one of the great taglines on the poster for “The Ghastly Ones”…sounds like a great horror film, right? RIGHT? So, when Uncle Ed or Aunt Millie refuse to take the hint that your holiday party is over, offer to put a film on, load up your DVD with this and you are on your way!
Or, if violence won’t offend them, what about sex?
“Sights And Sounds Intended Only For Adult Eyes And Ears!”
Trust me when I tell you that there is A LOT of sleazy stuff on display here, all presented a a cautionary tale! Producer David F. Friedman was the master of it, and movies like this offended the sensibilities of audiences in the 60’s, so why not now?
To read more about this amazingly prolific Exploitation Producer, click on the whole story HERE:
Hard to imagine a Hollywood legend who made films worse that this, right? Well, for your party, I have this as well:
We now venture into the world of arguably the world’s WORST film maker! And don’t worry, his films are presented:
“In Cranium-Cleaving Color!”
How can you resist a movie that offers this tagline?
The Ghastly Ones!
I love classic grindhouse poster art – always offering sex, violence, SHOCKS BEYOND BELIEF! – “c’mon in suckers, the water’s fine!”
Check out the “Doctor’s Warning” on the poster – a classic “come on” for the suckers at that time…love it! Now, back to why we are here: “The Ghastly Ones” is one of the world’s WORST exploitation films ever made!
Here is the plot: Three married couples spend the night in a Victorian-era house where they start getting killed off by a deranged psycho who’s bent on claiming an inheritance they are all entitled to.
Sure, that’s a servicable plot: but under the Direction of Andy Milligan, it’s a debacle! Here’s a great bit of trivia, thanks to IMDB: In several of the fight scenes of the film, the crew and their cameras and sound equipment are visible.
There are also moments when the director can be heard softly reminding the actors of their lines!
Now THAT’S film making! As one reader on IMDB stated:
“This is an absolutely horrible film in every way possible.”
To see ALL of Milligan’s directing madness – and trust me there is plenty of jaw-dropping badness to share, click here!
And if you want to guarantee to clear your house – and I mean fast – then this is the ultimate holiday movie for you:
“A young bride, left alone to the lewd passions of an evil dwarf!”
Severin Films is officially going to Hell – and taking you with them – with the DVD release of what may be the sleaziest film in EuroCult history:
Diminutive former kiddie-show host Torben Bille – who looks disturbingly like Jack Black in a trash compactor – stars as a young man who takes a special interest in the female guests at his mother’s boarding house…
Yes, that is Torben Bille – The Sinful Dwarf – who stars as the pint-sized pervert who imprisons drugged teenage sex slaves in the attic of his drunken mother’s decrepit rooming house…and that’s just the first ten minutes!
Poor Anne Sparrow!
Anne Sparrow stars as the kidnapped wife.
Just look at this description from the cover art:
“The delicious Anne Sparrow – in her first and understandably only screen role – co-stars in this towering achievement in graphic depravity, now fully restored from a 35mm print discovered hidden in a janitor’s closet at the Danish Film Institute!”
Anne Sparrow certainly had a good reason NEVER TO ACT AGAIN – in classic euro-sleaze style, she is abducted and abused by our Sinful Dwarf – while her husband naively looks for a job…
And yes, it’s true – an original negative of this movie was recently found in a janitor’s closet in Denmark – lucky for us!
You will never see a more bizarre film than “The Sinful Dwarf” – and yes, it’s a euro-sleazy as they come…this is grindhouse at its best – or worst!
And what ever happened to Annie Sparrow? Click here to find out why it’s such a mystery!
Put in any of these classic exploitation films and watch the floodgates open and the driveway clear! And by the way, I own all of these films!
Categories: 70's Films, Camp Cult Classics, Classic Horror, Cult Classics, Euro-Sleaze, Exploitation Films, Extreme Cinema, Grindhouse, Horror films, JRsploitation, Nudity, Sexploitation Films, Talent / Celebrites, Uncategorized
A great idea, John. However, I have a feeling some of my guests would be happy to stay for a showing of ‘The Sinful Dwarf’. I know I would! 🙂
Best wishes, Pete.
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Well then you have a party worth attending, Pete!
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