Have you ever done this? Well, not “burning” money so much as wasting hard-earned dollars on a film that was SO awful, SO inept, that you wanted to throw something at the movie screen?
Well, then you must have also paid to see THIS!
PSYCHED BY THE 4D WITCH!
PSYCHED BY THE 4D WITCH.
Never heard of it? Well, I PAID TO SEE IT ONCE!
Which meant that I must have seen the magic of “Trans-Etheric Vision!”
Growing up in Seattle, I used to save movie ads from my local newspapers – and dream of sneaking into the “R” rated films that I was too young to see.
I would try to find cashiers who had a “more causal” attitude about “r” rated films – allowing me to see some wildly entertaining films like these:
Unfortunately, I wanted to see EVERYTHING – so I lied about my age, paid my hard-earned money, and got to see this!
Why is it so bad? Well, to begin with, is it even a movie? The film begins with some b-roll of a city, AND a young women wandering around a bit:
Oh, and did I mention that she’s just NOT THAT GOOD LOOKING?????
I mean, I snuck into “R” rated films to see things they didn’t show in the movies they were making for kids my age….stuff like this:
I was a young male teenager – I had goals like everyone else!
Lack of looks aside, here is what this “MOVIE” consists of. That Actress wanders around a city while a dull VoiceOver talks about nonsensical stuff.
Then, she takes her clothes off and writhes around on a bed.
That’s it, you have a film! Here’s the intro, which give s you a great idea of what to expect!
HA! So It’s A “Tale Of Demonology!”
Written and directed by Victor Luminera, “Psyched by the 4D Witch” tells the tale of Cindy, a teenager and novice witch recently contacted by her dead ancestor Abigail — who’s popped down from the “Astral realm” to teach Cindy how she can have “an adventurous sex life and still remain a virgin.”
As you can see, the quality of the film is horrendous – but what about the audio?
Don’t worry about dialogue, there is none!
Remember, I PAID TO SEE THIS IN A MOVIE THEATER.
There was NO synched audio, it was all told via narration and poorly lit scenes that weren’t sexy at all.
And it had this theme song:
“So beware of the 4D witch, beware.
She’s in your mind, she’s everywhere.
She came from the belly of the devil’s bitch.
Beware of the 4D witch.”
Get it? This is movie making so lazy and cynical, it was destined to take $5 out of the pocket of a young kid who would pay to see anything! You know – ME!
By the way, look at the show times for this double bill – the films were barely over an hour long each!
I’ll leave you with a quote that could only come from “Psyched by the 4D Witch (A Tale of Demonology)”:
“Make love to a female corpse? Of a close friend? You are Satantic, Abigail! You are a devil worshipper. And this is one of Satan’s rituals for sure! ‘Cause I read about them.”
OK then! Oh, and about the other film showing:
I don’t remember anything about the co-feature, but the poster looks good! Turns out it’s a 1965 film pulled out of mothballs. In the Old West, a female vampire preys on unsuspecting cowboys!
Oh, and thanks to our friends at Something Weird video, “Psyched By The 4D Witch” is still around to steal you blind!
And yes, I own it! What can I say, a film this bad HAS to be watched more than once!
I shared another ad from growing up:
Yes, I wanted to get into the Garden Theater to see “Deep Throat” but they were having none of it!
Click here to see the story of this XXX-classic!
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